Multiple traumas can make us believe that the world is unsafe and frightening. Developing heavy defenses may be a natural outcome. But the more defenses we set up, the more distant we become, the more we are closed off from love and support. We will also limit our happiness and limit ourselves from growth and the many opportunities that life has for us.
ISBN 13: 9780553263244
Psychologists have found that there are a number of common behaviors that we use to defend ourselves against trauma and stress. For more on the common defense mechanisms, click on this article by Dr. John M. Ignoring reality — Denial is a refusal to face reality, to face our pain or to face our own responsibility. Some events, like abuse, are not your responsibility. But what you can do is face the event with resiliency and work hard to heal, and become stronger. Other events may be partially or completely your own doing. Shame, blame and guilt may not help but admitting your part, taking responsibility and striving to be better can help you to recover well.
Pulling back — Contrary to what you may think, growth will expose you to more risk. When you become stronger, when you have increased responsibility or opportunity, you will likely face more criticism, more obstacles and more resistance.
Growth may just mean that life will become more unkind to you. It can be tempting to throw up your hands, pull back and return to safety. Rebelling — Each of us needs to find a way to express our individuality. This is healthy and normal. But rebelling is a pattern of ignoring or outright defying relationship boundaries, company policies and government laws. We may engage in minor infractions like stealing pens from work, leaving work before our shift ends or consistently speeding.
Or we can habitually take greater and greater risks like shop lifting, using illegal drugs, driving while high or repeated sexual affairs. Numbing out — Everyone daydreams, tunes out and goes off line. But some of us make it a full time job to numb out with anything we can get our hands on: food, sex, alcohol or drugs, internet surfing, gaming, shopping or having serial surface relationships.
In extreme cases, we may disconnect from reality because of our emotional or physical pain. Ignoring our annoying habits or when we cross the line — We can toe the line in one area of life but in another area, we are private deviants.
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Or you are excellent at your job, but secretly you have a gambling addiction. Or you may consider yourself very spiritual, yet you cheat on your taxes. Judgment of others or ourselves — Private pain can be expressed in judgment. We can habitually judge others or judge ourselves, rather than face our own issues and do the work that we need to do. Being passive aggressive — Are you the office saint, but privately despise your boss?
But if you regularly push away your feelings of dislike, while pretending that you are fine, then you are engaging in a habit that will keep people at a distance. Take out your rage for one person on another person.
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You are mad at your wife, so you yell at your kids. Or you are angry with a customer so you are a jerk to your significant other. You are rational, sensible and distant. For more on the mental and emotional health impacts of rational distance, read my article on the Rational, Sensible and Distant Man. Using sideways humor to communicate what you really mean. The "I can handle it" mask hides bewilderment and hurt. Removing your masks and relinquishing your defenses are essential aspects of the Christian experience.
And Dropping Your Guard portrays Bible teacher Chuck Swindoll at his best, delving into the treasures of God's Word to reveal strategic principles for building open and genuine relationships. Chuck Swindoll says,"My desire is that our Lord will open your eyes to the value of authentic relationships, and that His Spirit will free you to be vulnerable as you drop your guard with others in the family of God.
Dropping Your Guard: The Value of Open Relationships
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Jesus, the cross, and the grace of God make that intimacy always available Jesus, how foolish I am to try to hide behind fig leaves when You know it all anyway I drop my guard before You now. I praise You for Your grace. Thank You, thank You for fully embracing me just the way I am. Jesus didn't have a whole lot to say about financial debt. He spoke of it a couple times, but he didn't steer anyone toward it or away from it.
In fact, financial debt. The poll found that 61 percent of participating Christians believed God. When you come to grips with our unrighteousness, the natural human response is to piece together some fig leaves to cover up our shame: We immerse ourselves in our work. God helps those who help themselves, right? We get really religious. If I do my part, God will be pleased with me, right?web.difccourts.ae/las-cosas-en-mi-mundo-suceden-as.php
Do You Want More from Your Relationships? Learn to Drop Your Guard. - The Good Men Project
We try to raise kids who behave in public. If they look good outside, people will think I'm okay inside. We try to get rid of the classic outward sins.